Here’s something I can’t recall hearing very often on the OSR blogs: that would be Shame. Specifically, shame in one’s own chosen hobby, that of RPG’s. Granted, it’s been a long time since my high school days and the times I was actually bona fide mocked for playing DnD were actually pretty few and far between, but they left a lasting impression on me. I loved playing the games, but there was a small part of me that couldn’t shake the thought that I was spending my energy in the wrong direction. I mean, we’re playing an expensive game of make-believe, right? Don’t little kids do the same thing all the time without all the props – dice, books, pencils, miniatures, what-have-you…. I couldn’t escape the thought that dogged me every now and then – I’m getting too old for this sh!^. I thought this even in high school. Mind you, it didn’t stop me from playing. No, I loved the idea of the game too much to stop, loved buying the accoutrements that came with it.
Lately I have very little time to actually play or work on my campaign worlds. I am most definitely too old for this sh!^ now, and that’s a fact. If I play once every month or two I’m lucky. I don't feel silly or juvenile any more, because the people I play with are also ‘grown ups’ who seem (to me, DnD geek that I am) to be relatively well adjusted. They have jobs, families of their own, which adds to the complications of actually trying to get a game together. No, now when I try to work on a campaign I think, I should be sanding and painting the porch, or I really should be doing the baby’s laundry right now and taxes haven’t been done yet. Still, the feeling is familiar in an odd way.
Any one else have this experience? Come on, all two people who ever read this blog, tell me what you think.